I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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