Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
