sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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