Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
