She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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