now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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