that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
