Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
