He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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