Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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