if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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