yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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