When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
