I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
