can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
