Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We don't watch enough power rangers
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
