She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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