the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need to calm my uterus...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize