so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You have to summon your inner elephant
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
