I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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