He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
