i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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