So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I didn't shave. On purpose
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
