He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
