It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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