I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
