How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
