Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
