when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I love you. Go after that dick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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