I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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