well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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