We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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