okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
