Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
