ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
