Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
