and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
