she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize