toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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