Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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