So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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