I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
