we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
