that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
