Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
