"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
