do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
