dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
