Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
