You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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