I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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