he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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