I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
