he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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