How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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