Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
