I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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