I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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