In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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