You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize