Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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