Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We had sex on a dog bed..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
