I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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