I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
