I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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