is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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