We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
