Plan B is the new Plan A
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
