I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's blow job season.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
