Say something about gay babies.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
