I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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