True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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