I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
