Who wears a wallet chain?!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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