They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
